The final film to an epic trilogy starring Adam Sandler and Selena Gomez as cartoon monsters. In this whirlwind film the whole gang goes on a cruise to Atlantis, but all is not as it appears. *spooky*
1 hour in because that’s when we started:
Eloise: Um pretty good. I like Blobby the best
Eve: Me too
Eloise: Eloise guessed that Ericka, the lesbian, was a Van Helsing (The family of monster hunters)
Eve: I wish we got to see more of Johnny and Dennis
Eloise: Also I wish they would’ve revealed she was a Van Helsing later on. That would’ve been more of a plot twist for the younger viewers.
Eve: I think she's gonna fall in love with Drac. That's why they revealed it so early. Because if they showed it later she would’ve been evil but since they revealed it earlier it’s like
Pia: Has to be an end reveal you know? Climax.
Eve: Dracula has a hot bod and I wish he would show it off more.
Eloise: Like that they all do the flat back challenge.
Pia & Eve: *confused
Eloise: It’s where they put their back like flat I don’t know.
Eve: When they put their back flat: 😲
Eloise: Their butt sticks out like I’ve seen it like six times already.
Pia: Really flexible waists.
Eve: Drac is SO skinny. Oh my god. I bet he can do a billion pull-ups. God. Damn. He’s like a Dorito.
Pia: Without sound, this movie is still great.
Eve: Dracula has absolutely no game.
Eloise: Despite his lack of game, he still pulls babes so fast
Eve: Evil babes
Pia: Oh
Eve: The good kind
Pia: Yes!
Eloise & Eve: Nonetheless.
Pia: Tinkles sounds like Mr. Dinkles from trolls who we love.
Eve: They’re (Mavis and Johnny) having a date night. I feel like their marriage is on the rocks like she never spends time with him. Or her son.
Eloise: At fifty-one minutes left Johnny is way too good for Mavis.
Pia: WAy too good.
Eve: Wayyy too good.
Pia: The evil girl is trying too hard not to be a lesbian and she should just embrace her lesbianism
Eve: When she tried to poison him: ahh!
Eloise: That’s so embarrassing because he’s just getting back out in the dating game after 100 years and now he’s gonna be so embarrassed. (because he farted)
Eve: How dare she? He’s just trying to zing.
Eloise: Dennis needs to learn social cues he just told Dracula about the date.
Eve: Drac should’ve had an honest conversation with her.
Eloise: It's been a hundred years like I know that's not long in Dracula years but like it’s enough time to zing once again
Pia: I get it. Even without the sound.
Eve: Pia doesn’t deserve sound.
Eloise: Dracula just had a Dr. Phil moment and everyone in the audience just cried a little. I’m looking at Pia and she’s crying.
Pia: Walking up the stairs backward is not as easy as it looks. I don’t think they realize.
Eve: Why is Mavis unsupportive of her father like she went on a date with Johnny and her Drac did NOT approve. Hypocrite. Ridiculous. Bitch.
Eloise: Johnny is a dream man because Mavis just farted in front of him and he didn’t even care he loved it. That’s what girls need in a guy: to not feel self conscious —
Eve: Preach!
Eloise:— so that they can fart in front of them.
Eve: Boner for Great Grandaddy Van Helsing. Weird.
Eloise: Grandaddy Van Helsing’s head is shaped like a tooth.
Eve: But a hot tooth. Weird.
We enter on Ericka throwing the werewolves in that dark room
Eve: they’re just gonna have sex in that room. I don’t think she understands.
Eloise: She’s forcing them to have sex. She wants them to have sex.
Eve: She’s watching them lol.
Pia: But if they weren’t in the room I’m pretty sure they still would be having sex.
Eve: Sex.
Pia: Sex.
Eloise: Weird.
Eve: He’s such a good singer. (Tha Kraken)
Eloise: It really threw me off because I thought he was gonna be evil but then he started singing so that was… a sexy and sweet surprise.
Eve & Eloise: Boner for Kraken. Weird.
Eloise: I like how they make Atlantis a casino because it’s creative.
Pia: I would like to go to hotel Transylvania because it seems fun.
Eve: Let’s take a trip.
Eloise: Johnny is so stupid. But what he lacks in the brain, he makes up for in brawn and looks.
Cut to the last 10 minutes lol
Eve: This is Pia’s first time hearing the music.
Pia: It’s the macarena and I love it.
Eloise: Now that grandaddy Van Helsing has his new cyborg body, he’s looking pretty good.
Eloise: Dennis does not want to zing with that werewolf girl because then he can’t play the field
Eve: They had fun on the cruise. It’s like killing them shilling them, they had a good time.
Final Thoughts:
Eloise: I think rotten tomatoes should’ve given this 100. All the characters were well portrayed and I liked it. I wish Count Dracula would’ve taken off his shirt more, maybe his swim trunks. He can’t tease us like that and then give us nothing more. The plot: epic. It was nonstop thriller.
Pia: The movie was better without sound
Eve: I rate the sexiness a 6/7. My one complaint: more Bruno Mars
Morals:
You can zing more than once
Trust your family
Get a robotic body because it’ll make you look hot.
Hottest Moments
Rating:
9.5/10 flat backs